Community of Sant'Egidio - Community of Sant'Egidio - Naples 2007 - A WORLD WITHOUT VIOLENCE

23/10/2007 - 09:30 - Sala Perseide - Stazione Marittima PANEL 31 - Family, a Resource for Everyone
Siti Musdah Mulia University Islam Syarief Hidayatullah, Indonesia

Islam a source for peace and justice

As a Muslim woman, I do believe that one of the praiseworthy characters of God is al-salï¿½m (the Most Peaceful). It is referred to as such because He is the Most Perfect, precluded from all defects, shortcomings and destructions. Thus, Islamic religion sent down to humans has to reflect this praiseworthy character. Both the words Islï¿½m and al-salï¿½m originate from the same root, salima, which means peace and preclusion from all that is condemned and disgraceful.

Theologically, Islam is a blessing for all nature. Its teachings contain universal values that cover all aspects of human life, encompassing all the problems of human beings from the cradle to the grave. From the aspects of law, Islam covers various problems that human beings are facing in their role as both individuals and members of a society. From the psychological aspects, its teachings provide all-encompassing peace both materially and spiritually, physically and mentally. From anthropological aspects, its teachings are aimed at all the nations and peoples.

Islam brings out the importance of the teaching of equality among mankind. All the teachings of Islam bring to the fore the equality of standing and stature among nations regardless of their color, of their skin, extraction, geographical location, and social status, as provided in the Qurï¿½an : O mankind, actually We have created you from a man and a woman and have made you nations and tribes so that you know each other. Verily the noblest person among you on Allahï¿½s side is the person who is the most religiously devout to Allah among you. Verily, Allah is the Omniscient [literal translation: One who knows everything and who is most acquainted with everything]

Even if there is a big difference among them, such a difference is not intended to oppress one another, to discriminate one another, and to be hostile towards one another but for a noble objective, that is, to know one another and at the same time, to put them to the test in order to find out who is religiously more devout to Him. A human is only distinguished from another human on the basis of his/ her achievements and the quality of his/ her religious devotion. Such is the teaching that is enshrined in the Qurï¿½an. However, distortions abound here and there when the noble teachings were sent down to earth and implemented in the life of mankind. Humans are often subjected to unequal treatment and discrimination on the basis of color, social status, and so on and this is echoed everywhere.

Islamic teachings are full of values that can be developed as a basis for the concept of justice, peace, tolerance and human dignity. One of them can be taken from the following verse: ï¿½And We have sent down to you the Qurï¿½an with the truth being brought, justifying that which has previously been there, that is, the books [or scriptures] (that have been sent down before), and as a touchstone by which the other books [or scriptures] are to be judged; so, decide on their case according to that which Allah has sent down and donï¿½t follow their lust by abandoning the truth that has come to you. To each follower of Allah among you, we have given a precept and the illuminated way. Had Allah willed, He could have made you one congregation (only). But Allah wants to test you concerning that which He has given you. So, try, like in a race, to outdo one another in doing what is good. Only to Allah will all of you return; then He will tell you that which you have disputed. Cyrill Glasse, a well-known theologian, admires the content of the Qurï¿½an because in the verse, salvation for the followers of other religions is also mentioned, and sees this acknowledgement as an extraordinary event in the history of religions.

What is a family?

A family is the community in microcosm, a place of safety in which the individual person begins to learn a communal living in a society. A strong and steadfast society is always built on the prosperous families with good quality of personalities and excellence of spirit in which mutual understanding, sincerity, and tenderness reign. In turn, the happy family of excellent quality is the fruit of happy marriage. Happy wedlock is made up of married couple who understands each otherï¿½s rights, holds each other in high esteem, loves each other, and respects each other and has each other. It is for this very reason that the wellbeing and progress of a society is largely dependent on the integrity of each constituent family. And thereafter, the integrity of a family is attributable to the happiness of the married life on which it is founded. Henceforth, happy marriage heavily relies on how the married couple conceive for them selves the bonds of matrimony.

There arises a question as to why a family is of paramount importance. There are at least two answers to the question. First, a family is the first and primary source of value dissemination in social life. Second, a family is the most strategic place for individual character building. Personal integrity of an individual grows and originates from a family.

For a child, a family is the first social arena which teaches and educates how to interact with other people. The experience a child gains in a family especially through the relationship with the parents is the foundation for self-confidence-building and peace of heart which are of great significance for the child in maintaining and fostering the relationship with larger social milieu. The atmosphere that reigns in the family and the quality of the relationship that holds with parents exert a very significant effect on the development of a childï¿½s personality.

Democratic values, for example, must be initiated and developed from a family. Because, how can a person possibly understand and implement democratic principles well when he himself has never seen and felt those values practiced in his family circle. It is impossible for a parliament member to implement democratic principles properly when in his married life he can never welcome other peopleï¿½s opinion, has no tolerant disposition, and can never accept differences. It is not surprising if it is concluded that democracy should be started and developed from a home, from a family domain.

A Prosperous and quality family

The next question to arise is what type of a family can become the citadel of heart-warming peace and reservoir of the state of wellbeing for everyone. The fact is that not all families can serve as the source of every memberï¿½s peace of heart and mind for the reason that not all families are a safe and secure domain for everyone, especially for women and children. Not few cases obtaining in the society prove that a family is not a very secure and safe place for someone, an arena which gives birth to and is laden with injustice, discrimination, and even violence, especially violence toward children and women. Therefore, a conclusion can be drawn that it is only a wellbeing and good quality family that can be expected to generate peace and state of wellbeing for everyone.

The general indicators of such family are, among others: First, a family which is free from dominating behavior. There is no domination of a husband over a wife or vise versa in the life of husband and wife because both are equal partners and enjoys equitable position. Second, a family which is free from discriminating acts, exploitation, and violence, especially domestic violence for any reason whatsoever. There is no discrimination, exploitation, and violence toward husband, wife, and children and towards any one of the members of the family. All members of the family live a happy, peaceful, and harmonious life. Third, a family which is free from poverty, hunger and illiteracy. A prosperous and good quality family encounters no difficulty in satisfying the primary, basic needs of its members, in terms of food, clothes, and shelter. Forth, a family which believes in, exercises and implements religious teachings in all aspects of life. It is only a family with those four characteristics which can be expected to give birth to a not easily defeated, highly integrated and quality individual: an individual with strong physical, mental, and spiritual nature. That is the model family which can become the source of the peace of heart and mind and wellbeing for its members, even a source of peace for everyone.

The function of a family: Islamic Perspective

From the perspective of Islam, a family is an institution of paramount importance. No fewer than 70 Quranic verses with different wordings deal with the importance of family life. The highlight by Islam on the importance of institution of a family reflects to a considerable extent that the efforts to establish a society, nation, and state must be initiated by the creation of families, for the very reason that a family is the source of peace and tranquility for every individual.

A family is an institution which assumes at least 9 functions as set forth hereunder.

1). Religious function, a family provides each member with religious experience; 2). Affectionate function, a family is a place where affection and compassion should reign and give birth to generation of descendants; 3). Socio-cultural function, a family awards its member a token of prestige and status symbol; 4). Disseminative and educative function, a family assumes a function of knowledge dissemination and education to its young ones; 5). Protective function, a family protects and safeguards its members from physical, economic, and psycho-social threats; 6). Reproductive function, a family assumes a function which relates to the reproductive mechanism. In this respect, the married couple, husband and wife should have better understanding of the reproductive rights and health; 7). Recreational function, a family is an arena for recreation for its members; 8). Economic function, a family furnishes its members with as much skill and knowledge as possible in order that she or he can secure and develop her or his own economic resources 9). Environment-preserving function, a family teaches its members on the importance of keeping the environment clean, lovely, fresh, and purified from any type of pollution which jeopardizes the sustainability of human life.

A prosperous and quality family is the one which can optimally satisfy all familial functions mentioned above. On the other hand, in the event that the implementation of such functions encounter obstacle, there will arise a family crisis. A family will be faced with a variety of conflicts should such function not run properly. For instance, when educative function does not work effectively, the relationship between parents and children will give rise to a state of disorder. Likewise, when religious function is not properly developed, let alone, suffers, it is very likely that the family members will turn out to be a human being who does not respect his fellowman, nor loves his environment nor gives peace to the society.

Islamic teachings lay particular stress on several underlying principles to help strengthen functions of a family, which, among others are set forth as follows:

First, Islam views each member of the family as a leader in their respective position. The Prophet , Godï¿½s prays and peace be to him said, ï¿½Every one of you is a leader , and every one of you will be questioned as regards your leadership; a wife is the leader of her husbandï¿½s household, and will be asked of her leadership; a maid is the leader in safeguarding his masterï¿½s wealth , and will be questioned about his leadership; all of you are leaders and are subject to being questioned of your respective leadership.ï¿½ (HR, Bukhari Muslim). This signifies that every one in a family shall be treated as subject rather than object. Husband and wife are partners on equal and equitable basis. Both are independent, free but responsible human beings, There is no domination imposed by one member on the other members. A husband may not dominate his wife, and the converse holds true. There is no domination by parents over children. The relationship that holds between members of the family must be founded firmly on compassion not coercion.

Second, Islam indoctrinates the principle of unquestionable justice in establishing and maintaining a married life. In this context, justice means placing the functions of a family in an amicable and harmonious manner. With justice, it is expected that there will be no violence in a family life, whatever the reason is. Islam does not by all measures justify acts of violence. There will be no room for violence committed by who to whom and for whatever reason there will be. No violence towards wife, children, and other members of the family is permitted to occur. Islam is the religion which holds peace and justice in high esteem. Therefore, Islam heavily condemns domestic violence in all of its manifestations, whether be physical, psychological or sexual, and economics-related violence.

Third, Islam tends to place religious function of a family as the primary one for the reason that it starts from this function that a family can exercise other functions: educative, protective, and compassionate. Other family functions, such as social and recreational function will grow and develop by their own when religious and educative functions have optimally been satisfied.

There arises a question as to how if the wife leads a career. How are career and family placed in harmonious equilibrium? The answer is not too difficult to seek. If all members of a family have a good understanding of their respective function and execute their function as optimally as possible. Like husband, a wife has the rights to develop her career outside the boundary of the house walls. Like all human beings, a wife has ideals, obsession, and expectation. A wife must get an access to developing her own potential, attaining her ideal,

Like a husband, a wife shall not be restricted from pursuing and promoting her career. The most important thing to be put into account is that a career woman is very likely to face challenges and obstacles because more often than not a conflict will arise between the interest of the family and that of her career. It is right here that a career woman is expected to be able to see with discretion and wisdom as well as with meticulous consideration to choose which one will be of first priority. Certainly, to prioritize the interest of the family is a choice of great wisdom and such determination must be given positive response by all members of the family, especially by her husband. The husband may not treat her in a despotic manner, in the way as he pleases because his wife does not work as consequences of her entire economic dependence on her husband. However, when at certain a point in time there is opportunity for the wife to resume work, the husband and the entire members of the family should also give earnest and sincere support and encouragement. Such support and encouragement, among others, can be in the form of her release from onerous and difficult duties. Isnï¿½t the success gained by the wife especially also the success of the family?

Establishing a family as a source of peace

The most important question is how to make a familial institution as the source of peace of heart and wellbeing for everyone. In this context Islam teaches the importance of creating the foundation of firm and strong family through the bond of happy matrimony. The family which can generate peace of heart and mind is only that which grows out of a happy marriage.

First, Islam views marriage as mitsaqan galiza ï¿½strong commitment.ï¿½ The logical consequences of this principle are anyone who is bounded by marriage must observe their respective rights and obligations. For example, a husband must exercise his rights and obligations and so does a wife. Islam regulates in great detail the rights and obligations of a husband and wife, parents and children, as well as the relationship that holds between one family and other families. Marriage is viewed as a sacred bond, carrying with it a worldly and heavenly dimension.

Second, the principle of gender equality. The condition of gender equity can be built through the efforts to put to an end any form of discriminatory acts which, socio-culturally, psychologically and politically, render man and woman in such an unfortunate position, making them unable to play an optimal role in the family. In a married life, the portion of duties and obligations of husband and wife should be fairly distributed. Fair as meant here does not necessarily mean that the duties and obligations are of exactly the same nature and quantity; rather they are proportionally distributed, depending on the mutual agreement. The distribution of work, both at home or outside, should pay due attention to the safety of womanï¿½s reproductive function. The household duties and responsibilities are not merely the burden that should be borne and shouldered by women or daughters, as generally understood so far. Such duties and responsibilities should be borne and shouldered in a fair and proportional way in compliance with their respective capacity.

Third, the principle of mawaddah wa rahmah (loving and compassionate). A prosperous family is build upon a principle of mawaddah wa rahmah , a family in which loving and compassionate atmosphere reigns between husband and wife. Affection and compassion stem from the earnestness and sincerity of each of the married couple in accepting the existence of her or his partner the way she or he is, demanding no more than that. The sense of mawaddah wa rahmah will prevent from occurring various manifestos of domestic violence, be physically, psychically, or sexually, or violence in the form the economic abandonment

Fourth, the principle of mutual protection and complementation. Married couple should be fully aware that as human beings they must have strengths and weaknesses. No man is perfect. Therefore, the couple should protect, safeguard and complement each other. Yet, there has been widely circulating in the veins of societyï¿½s blood the age-long misleading conception that a husband is the captain of the family whose assignment is to guide and protect his wife. This stereotyped view that a husband is super ordinate to his wife and the wife is subordinate to the husband legitimates the conviction that the husband is a master, the wife a maid. Such standpoint negates the reality prevailing in the society. The existing reality witnesses that many wives have been endowed with expertise and intelligence exceeding those of the husbands. Even, it has often been encountered that a wife often becomes the backbone of a family in catering the familyï¿½s economic needs. Accordingly, the stereotyped view and traditional roles which, for ages, have been associated with the relation that hold between a husband and a wife shall be wiped out slowly because they are no longer relevant with the societyï¿½s modernity and refinement.

Fifth, the principle of monogamy. Happy wed can only be built on the principle of monogamy, namely one husband and one wife, This principle shall be well understood in the essential meaning of the word, in that one husband and one wife shall not be construed as above paper only, but rather in the true reality. What is meant is that either a husband or a wife has only one partner, be in their life at home or outside the home. In no circumstances are husband and wife allowed to violate the principle of monogamy. The breach towards this principle is the outbreak of the breakup and the ruin of an institution of a family.

Those are the five Islamic basic principles in establishing a happy married life. Those five principles can be adopted as the guidance in creating and a prosperous and quality family which can provide peace of heart and mind and wellbeing to everyone.

Recommendation and solution

It can be concluded that Islamic religion main functions individually and socially, are to provide justice, security and peace to its adherents. Islamic religion is revealed to the human beings in order to create peace and harmony within human as well as respect among Godï¿½s creatures.

The real efforts of the important contribution for building the peace in the family as well as in the society can be patterned in three actions as follows.

Firstly, there must be implementation of cultural reconstruction through education in its wide sense, from education in family to formal education in school then non formal education in society. These efforts are needed to be implemented because culture of tolerant and inclusive cannot emerge naturally and spontaneously in family and society. Instead it must be sewed and arranged in such way through education system.

Secondly, there must be revision of some laws and public policies which are not conducive to the establishment of peace and justice, particularly the family law.

Thirdly, we have to develop reinterpretation of religion teaching to be more conducive for the promotion of peace, justice, security and upholding human rights. Those are the real religion teachings which are free human being from tyrannical, hatred and narrow-minded handcuff. That is the teaching which in Islamic terminology, is called rahmatan lil ï¿½alamin, which is fill of love to all creatures.